Looking for some helpful advice about lasting longer in bed?
When it comes to sex, some men finish the job a lot quicker than they (and their partner!) would like. There are lots of reasons for this ranging from physical issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED) and premature ejaculation (PE) to psychological problems like performance anxiety. Fortunately, there are various methods, techniques, applications, products and accessories all designed to help men last longer in bed….whatever the reasons for their ‘hasty’ finishes.
In this guide, we will take a look at all the best tips, aids and tricks for lasting longer in bed including some interesting traditional remedies and practices that may have some scientific basis.
How Long Should a Man ‘Last’ In Bed?
Poor stamina in the bedroom is not always a case of being overexcited, not having had sex for a while or even genetic predisposition. There is almost a reason for cumming too quickly and, whilst some are related to medical problems, most are psychological.
Before we look at the medical and psychological reasons (see below) why you might not be lasting as long as you would like to in the bedroom, let’s first look at whether or not you actually have a problem.
According to a 2005 study (A multinational population survey of intravaginal ejaculation latency time, Waldinger MD, Quinn P, Dilleen M, Mundayat R, Schweitzer DH, Boolell M.) the average length of time for intercourse prior to ejaculation was recorded at 5.4 minutes. This was slightly higher in the 18-30 year olds in the study at 6.5 minutes and lower in the over 51s at 4.3 minute.
This might come as a surprise to a lot of men who are used to seeing porn stars pounding pussy for 20+ minutes before erupting in a Gold-medal finish.
There are hundreds of studies completed across the world that all indicate similar findings; sex lasting anywhere from 4 to 11 minutes is average.
Of course, your mileage may vary and the main point should surely be lasting, not for an average amount of time but for, a desirable amount of time.
Enter the results from a 2008 study (Canadian and American sex therapists’ perceptions of normal and abnormal ejaculatory latencies: how long should intercourse last?, Corty EW, Guardiani JM) which took the opinions of those in the firing line; sex therapists.
When asked to categorize the duration of coitus into four categories (too short, adequate, desirable and too long), the following was calculated:
- ‘Too Short’ Sex: 1-2 minutes
- ‘Adequate’ Sex: 3-7 minutes
- ‘Desirable’ Sex: 7-13 minutes
- ‘Too Long’ Sex: 10-30 minutes
So, there you have it; anything from 3-13 minutes is either adequate and/or desirable. Anything under 3 minutes is too short and may indicate you have an underlying medical (physical or psychological) that needs addressing. And, if you are aiming for over 10 minutes then it’s worth assessing whether this is what your partner really wants. According to the above results and this could be ‘too long’.
Still think you might have a problem and want to know how to last a bit longer in bed? Okay, we have some ideas and solutions which might help.
Aids for Lasting Longer in Bed
Fortunately there are lots of solutions to try and help you last longer in bed from topical applications and pharmaceuticals to accessories, sex aids and even some simple tricks you can learn.
Topical Applications: Sprays, Creams and Lotions
There are a range of sprays, creams and lotions that you can use on your penis that all contain de-sensitising agents such as benzocaine, lidocaine or other anaesthetics.
Whilst these can all be pretty effective at delaying orgasm, they do effectively numb your cock so you may end up losing your erection altogether. Some men also report discomfort when using theses topical applications such as tingling, pins and needles and itching.
If you do opt to use one of these solutions then it is best to trial it first in a less sensitive area than your genitals to ensure you are not allergic. You can also find condoms that come already treated with a dose of an agent like benzocaine or lidocaine. You can find different strengths of analgesic in different brands so if one is too powerful then it may be worth experimenting.
The legendary ‘little blue pill’ is one of the most well-known performance drugs in the world and was introduced in 1998 to help treat erectile dysfunction. Also known as Sildenafil, this drug works by inhibiting an enzyme called PDE5 which, in turn, increases blood flow to the penis.
It works well for men with ED but for those of us who suffer from premature ejaculation it has no significant impact apart from a slight placebo effect which boosts confidence and satisfaction. However, what Viagra does do for performance in this area is reduce the recovery time for a second erection.
Cialis, Levitra, Spedra and Staxyn all work on a similar principle yet Viagra still has the better reputation for efficacy.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can be found in some anti-depressants which also have a useful side effect of delaying orgasm.
Some health practitioners may prescribe this kind of intervention to help with chronic premature ejaculation, particularly or if the root cause is thought to be psychological.
Accessories and Aids
Cock rings work by restricting blood flow to the penis and are used to help increase stamina during sex. They come in a huge variety of sizes, shapes and textures with some sporting additional features like clitoral stimulators, vibrators or even fitted with electo-shock devices that can be activated by remote control (ouch).
Also known as penis or love rings, they are usually fitted at the base of your shaft although you can get some that are designed to go round the glans or fit around your balls.
Experimenting is the name of the game here and there is no rule of thumb as to which kind of ring will work for you best.
A word of caution on using cock rings; always ensure that the ring you are using is the right size and never wear one for longer than 30 minutes. Most sex toy suppliers produce a guide to choosing the right size cock ring.
Simply wearing a condom in itself may provide enough of a barrier to sensation that it makes you last longer in bed; however, you can also buy thicker condoms to really prevent yourself from getting too excited too quickly.
Other options include condoms that have been prepared with benzocaine or lidocaine lubricant (see above).
Home Remedies & Tips for Lasting Longer in Bed
Some experts recommend regular masturbation to help you build stamina and endorse doing so an hour or two before you have sex. You can combine these ‘self-love’ sessions with a little it of practice on the ‘stop-start’ technique (see below) to delay your ejaculation.
You can practice building up your self-control by using the stop-start technique during masturbation. Just before you think you are about to cum, stop what you are doing, take a deep breath and wait for 10-20 seconds before resuming. Also known as ‘edging’, once you master this technique alone you can even introduce this to your sexual activities and get your partner to take you to the ‘edge’.
It is important that you learn to recognise your ‘point of no return’ where orgasm is inevitable and stop before this point. Being taken, or bringing someone, to the ‘edge’ can be an intensely satisfying experience and can really extend your sex sessions.
Shift Your Focus
It can help to take mental breaks during sex to distract yourself from the excitement. Though some men swear by thinking of inappropriate people during the dirty deed, others prefer to think about something boring like work or doing sums in their head. As long as you are not someone who says whatever is on their mind during sex then you might get away with it; however, not all women will be understanding if you start quoting algebra instead of dirty talk!
Instead of going at it like a bull in a china shop, actively trying to check your speed is a really simple yet effective way to minimize an early release.
The ‘Squeeze’ Method
There are some reports that this works well for some guys but for others it can be a real mood-killer and often quite painful. The ideas is that just as you feel yourself start to climax, you grab the end of your cock and give it a squeeze to prevent you from cumming.
The problem with the squeeze method is that it relies on perfect timing and pressure. Do it too late and you basically cum anyway, ruin your own orgasm and kill the mood…plus it can hurt. It’s worth trying but is not considered that effective.
Give Your PC Muscles a Workout
It’s not just women who need to exercise their pelvic floor muscles; this group of muscles and tissue support the bladder and bowel and have an active role in orgasm control. The more developed these muscles are, the better chance you have of training yourself to delay your climax.
When you pee, try to interrupt the flow by clenching the PC muscles and then slowly releasing. Repeat a couple of times until you have emptied your bladder but don’t overdo it. As with any muscle workout, they can get fatigued and, in the short term, make the situation worse. Incorporate this into a regular routine and you may find that it helps improve control over your climax.
You might just find that a simple change in position could help you last longer in bed. If you and your partner favour sex doggy style then maybe try reverse cowgirl. Depth and angle of penetration can all affect how fast your cum and this could not only help improve stamina but may even increase her pleasure. Definitely one to try!
If all else fails and you have eliminated the possibility of an underlying health condition or psychological issue (see below) then you may need to embrace the idea of redefining what sex is. No, we are not talking about celibacy and cuddling; what we are suggesting is taking the focus of all the enjoyment being on penetration away. Entertain the idea of other sexual activities such as sensual BDSM, embrace roleplay or explore your hidden fetish. The most enjoyable sexual experiences aren’t usually about simply how long you can pound away for, they are a combination of mind and body so get creative.
Don’t forget that there are plenty of ways to please a woman using toys, your hand and mouth and, if you keep her in that state of mind for long enough then you might just have enough time to recover for a second round.
Traditional Methods for Lasting Longer in Bed
Premature ejaculation has been plaguing men (and women) for centuries and there is evidence of traditional treatments in almost every culture around the world from China to India, Europe to South America.
One similarity between almost all techniques for improving stamina in the bedroom is one of living a healthy life; where diet and physical exercise is just as important as mental health.
Some cultures swear by particular foods such as garlic, ginger, honey, asparagus and okra. In other parts of the world, more potent herbs are also given credence, including:
- Horny Goat Weed
- Tribulus Terrestris
- Muira Puama
- Tongkat ali
There are also some pretty weird alternatives including eating hagfish, drinking the blood of a cobra and chowing down on a fertilized duck egg (balut).
Most of these are considered aphrodisiacs and some have scientific backing to support claims that they can improve your sex life. Muiraa puama root extract, for instance, has been shown in studies to boost the libido, maintain stability of erections and even improve physical stamina.
It is well worth researching each of these suggestions carefully as some are known to have negative side-effects and some can even interact with prescription medication.
Other methods of boosting your performance in bed include acupuncture, meditation and the traditional Chinese art of Fangzhongshu.
Medical Reasons for Premature Ejaculation
Of course, there are some medical reasons why you might be experience premature ejaculation and, with all the will in the world and the best sex aids, creams and potions you may still find yourself cumming far quicker than you would like.
If this sounds like you then it might be worthwhile getting a medical opinion from your health practitioner as premature ejaculation can sometimes be a result of other conditions or diseases such as problems with the prostate, diabetes, high blood pressure, low testosterone levels or thyroid complaints.
Other factors such as stress, anxiety and depression are also known to negatively affect your performance in the bedroom. Along with poor diet, excess alcohol consumption and recreational drug use, these can all result in erectile dysfunction.
It’s always better to have these things checked early and, you never know, a change in diet or lifestyle, some prescription medication or counselling could vastly improve your performance in the bedroom.
Don’t forget that premature ejaculation reportedly affects 30% of men in their lifetime and is often not a chronic problem but, rather, a temporary issue.
Lastly, just remember that your performance in the bedroom is a private matter between you and your partner and if you are both happy then there really might not be a problem. Don’t compare yourself to the porn stars who can penetrate for hours at a time. This kind of performance is not real and not sustainable for either you or your partner in the long term. Good luck.
Featured image via PxHere.