My first orgy was an eye-opening experience.
It was also my luckiest — I didn’t have to find it, or prepare for it. In fact, I stumbled in to it by mistake. Lubed by a night of heavy alcohol on a famous island in South East Asia, it was a night I’ll never forget.
Most group sex seeking hedonists aren’t so lucky.
If you wanna get your orgy on, you’ll need to either a) do your homework or b) get extraordinarily lucky.
While there is some stigma attached to orgies and sex parties, the truth is they’ve been happening for thousands of years. In fact, orgies were part of ancient religious ceremonies, with participants believing their group sex fun would help bring a bountiful harvest.
There’s just one problem… orgies are not the sort of events that you’ll find advertised on Facebook. Most group sex parties fall in to the categories of ‘spontaneous’ or ‘strictly private’.
So how do you actually find one?
How to Find An Orgy Near Me
Group sex is easy to find on porn sites, but it’s not so easy to find in real life. Our monogamous society is incentivised to keep them hidden from the public eye.
- Sex with your partner… Good.
- Sex with random groups of sex-positive strangers… Bad
Whether you subscribe to this view or not, it is the reason why orgies are seen as taboo in most social circles.
But not all social circles.
If you want to find an orgy in your local town or city, the bottom line is this: you need to have the right contacts, in the right places.
Sure, you might get insanely lucky with a wild night out; where a threesome turns in to a foursome, which turns in to a free-for-all of hedonistic fucking. But this is like catching lightning in a bottle. It’s happened to me once, but never again. Now that I’m a bit older, I’m not sure I’d want it to, either.
Let’s take a look at the best ways to embed yourself with the local sex party scene…
Make Connections at Swinger Clubs
Swinger clubs are one of the best places to start if you’re on the hunt for an orgy.
These are social venues where people who are interested in non-monogamous sex gather, and they often host themed nights that can include orgies and group sex.
The great thing about swinger clubs is that nearly every major town or city has one. These aren’t just places for instant action, think of them more like your local bar where you get to know people who are interested in ‘The Lifestyle‘.
By integrating yourself with your town’s local swinging community, it won’t be long until you hear about private events, house parties and club nights where orgies will be taking place. The caveat is that it’s very difficult to use swinger clubs unless you attend as a couple.
Singles may still be allowed entry (on certain nights), but it goes against the basic premise of these clubs: sharing is caring.
If you rock up to a swinging event as a single guy hoping to get laid, you aren’t going to have much luck without paying a much higher entry fee. Although your chances will increase exponentially if you happen to be female!
Most swinger clubs are openly advertised, but depending on where you live, there may be too many or too few options to know which is the best to attend.
The main resource I recommend for accessing the swinging community is SDC. This site has thousands of like-minded users who can help to integrate you with the local group sex events in your town. With a little digging, it’s easy for couples to find orgies and private sex parties. Kasidie is another good option, but I’d only recommend it to those based in North America. The worldwide coverage is patchy.
The next best option is Adult Friend Finder, although it is not targeted exclusively at swingers, and I personally hate the endless spam messages from escorts and sex-bots. YMMV.
Find Sex Clubs In Your Area
Sex clubs are similar to swinger clubs, but there is less focus on partner sharing, wife-swapping and group sex between couples who share ‘the lifestyle’.
If you live in a major city — especially in Australia, New Zealand, or continental Europe — there’s a very good chance that you’ll find a sex club near you. One of the major differences between a swinger club and a sex club is that, in these major cities, sex clubs will attract a large number of sex workers and freelance escorts, too.
Obviously, if you’re a single bloke like me, there’s a risk of blowing both your load and wallet in the same night, so you’ve always gotta be on your guard if there are sex workers allowed.
Also, it’s important to understand the difference between a publicly advertised sex club with facilities that cater to sexual adventures (like the mega FKK clubs in Germany), and local sex clubs that refrain from actually marketing themselves as ‘sex clubs’.
In America, sex clubs tend to be marketed under more ambiguous terms. For example, Beverly Hills based Snctm is considered the world’s most exclusive sex club, but it’s marketed as a ‘private member club’.
The good news is that — if you can gain entry — sex clubs are a sure bet for finding local orgies. The bad news is that an Average Joe can’t just walk into a sex club off of the street and start having sex with people. Clubs like Snctm have eye-watering annual fees (starting at $12,500 per year for men!).
(Thankfully, most sex clubs are much more reasonably priced.)
Once you’ve found a private club in your area, contact the owners and ask about their dress code, cover charge, and policies. Some clubs won’t let single guys in, for instance, while ladies may get in for free.
It should come as no surprise that sex clubs are a lot cheaper for women. 😀
The rules vary from club to club, so don’t expect protocol at one club to be the same at another club. Understanding these nuances, on a local level, is the reason why I highly recommend SDC as an orgy cheat code. You can connect to people who are already familiar with the local clubs in your area.
Once you’ve found your way in, the next shag-fest is never too far away.
See more: our guide to America’s most famous BDSM clubs.
Find Local Private Sex Parties
Beyond public venues like sex and swinger clubs, many orgies take place in more private, intimate settings. These private sex parties can range from gatherings at a local residence, hotel suites, or rented venues specifically for the event.
Your best chance of getting invited to a private sex party is to make yourself known in the wider community that the host is drawing his/her guest list from.
A classic example would be a ‘swinger’s getaway vacation‘ organised by one of the regulars at your local swinger club. This might involve a group of multiple couples or single hedonists heading to a beach destination and renting a large villa or a kinky hotel. Everybody contributes their share of the accommodation and agrees to make the trip over a pre-arranged weekend.
Once the attendees have gathered, let the games begin…
Sexy getaways are commonplace in the swinging community. The way to get invited is to ingratiate yourself using the existing events in the sex clubs and swinger clubs near you. Make an effort to get to know the attendees on a deeper level.
I’ll give you a clue here: Nobody gets invited to a private orgy just because they’re good in bed. It’s all about the mindset and the shared values. Private sex parties require a much greater deal of trust, especially if you’re stepping in to somebody’s home.
Local Sex-Positive Meetups
There are many other sex-positive communities that embrace consensual non-monogamy. These communities often have local meetups or workshops where you can meet like-minded individuals in your area.
Some of these communities exist on social media platforms, while others use sites like the ‘sensuality’ section of Meetup.com to coordinate events. Once again, the community boards on SDC are a great way to find casual meet-ups in your local area. At these events you can meet the right people to point you in the direction of your town’s hottest sex parties.
If you live in a major city, Meetup.com is a great way to explore alternative lifestyles, and the various events associated to them.
As you can see below, ‘Naughty Los Angeles’ has 10,793 local members! It doesn’t take long using these public boards to find meetups that are highly likely to lead to group sex, even if they aren’t marketed as such.
In many cities, there are also ‘polyamory meetups’ and ‘kink meetups’, both of which are another way of saying: “Orgy! Coming soon!“
To get started, try searching online for terms like “sex-positive meetup” followed by the name of your city. This should give you a list of relevant groups in your area.
Tantra Parties
While tantra parties are not exactly the same as orgies, they share a common theme: exploration of sexuality in a group setting.
And they can certainly escalate in to orgies if you choose the right event…
Tantra is all about the spiritual and emotional aspects of sex as much as the physical ones. In these parties, you’ll take part in intimate exercises like synchronized breathing, touch, and meditation, which can sometimes lead to erotic play and full sex. Sounds a bit like the swinging sixties, doesn’t it? 😉
Keep in mind that not all tantra parties lead to orgies or group sex.
I’ve made the social boo-boo of turning up at a tantra party expecting the proceedings to have a sexual edge. 45 minutes later, after the world’s driest workshop from a kind lady in her sixties, my boner had been annihilated.
One thing I can confirm, though, is that a tantra play party is not as intimidating as a public orgy, and therefore it’s a good place to start. You can find events through local portals like The Tantra Institute (see below).
Can You Pay For An Orgy?
Of course!
If you have enough money, you can definitely pay for an orgy. If you’ve got enough money, you could spend the rest of your life trapped inside one.
There are a number of ways of doing so; some less ‘guaranteed’ than others.
The most obvious example is to pay sex-workers. You know exactly what you’re getting when you hire sex workers to host an orgy for you.
Not only are you guaranteed a show, but it’s probably going to be a pretty good one, too. Sex workers are professionals. They know every trick of the trade to keep you coming back for more. The downside to having an orgy full of sex workers is that you’ll need to have rather deep pockets to afford it.
How much an orgy costs will depend on the number of escorts you hire, the duration of the ‘party’, and any horny ‘extras’ you agree to. Oh… plus tipping.
I’m not going to deep dive in to escort rates on these pages, but you’re probably looking at well over $1000 as a starting point. And that’s a very low starting point, for a very quick orgy.
There are other ways to pay for orgies, with less guarantee of success. The most obvious way is to pay for access to an exclusive sex club, or for a private sex party.
Take the UK Killing Kittens events, for example:
Paying for access to a private event like a KK Party is much cheaper for women (or in this case, “kittens”). Women pay £45, compared to £115 for men.
The important thing to remember when buying access to a ticketed sex event is that you are only actually paying for the cover entry. A ticket is by no means a guarantee that you’ll take part in an orgy. It simply puts you in the right place, at the right time. The rest is up to you.
Keep in mind that the higher up the exclusivity chain you go, the higher the likelihood that your ticket will result in a guaranteed orgy. The members paying $12,500 per year (!) for access to Snctm’s private members club are probably not going to have too much trouble stamping their ticket. If you know what I mean.
Ultimately, money talks.
You can’t “buy” an orgy. But you can buy the circumstances that will pretty much guarantee one.
What Are The Best Sites For Finding Group Sex?
We hope you now understand the importance of having contacts in the right places if you want to find orgies, group sex and private parties. But what are the best sites for striking up those contacts? Where can you find people to connect you to your local orgy scene?
Below we take a look at the best options for expanding those kinky horizons…
Here are the top-rated sites for finding group sex:
SDC
No surprises here, I’ve mentioned it a few times already and it’s my #1 top pick.
If you are a swinger, you don’t want to miss out on this gigantic database; it acts as a gateway to the entire swinging community. But it’s not just swinging events that can be found on SDC. The site is a hub for gangbangs, orgies, dirty club nights, pool parties and even bukkake sessions.
If your kinky little mind can think it, you can probably find it on SDC.
Once registered, you can browse sex parties in over 30 countries, and that’s just the events that are listed publicly. There’s a huge user base to engage with, either through direct messaging or in community-style boards. There were 32,099 members online when I last visited.
SDC uses a location-based search engine, so it’s really as simple as submitting your location (or travel destination), and browsing the events and members in your area. The nearest group sex may be a lot closer to home than you imagined, which is really one of the most eye-opening things about using SDC.
Adult Friend Finder
Ah, Adult Friend Finder, or as the vets of online hookups call it, AFF.
It’s like the godfather of casual hookup sites. But why’s it a solid bet for finding orgies?
The strength of Adult Friend Finder is in the numbers game. The site boasts millions of users from all over the world, and unlike dating apps like Tinder or Match, the users on this site are looking exclusively for a good time. With members located in just about every corner of the globe, you can tap in to all kinds of kinky networks, whether you’re looking for straight, gay, lesbian, or BDSM orgies.
AFF has dedicated groups and communities which are ideal for spotting group sex opportunities. Once you’ve set up your profile, you can build a shortlist of local communities and scour for fellow orgy-lovers. It’s no coincidence that they are usually some of the most vocal users on the site!
The downside of AFF is the obvious bots and spam profiles — the site is in dire need of a clear-out. Come on guys, somebody needs to drop the hammer on the thousands of abandoned profiles, the annoying bots, and thinly-veiled escort agencies.
The good news is that if you can navigate through the spammy waters, no other site can touch AFF for its sheer scale of hookup opportunities.
Kasidie
Kasidie is another good option for finding local orgies in your city or town.
The site is targeted at “swingers, uninhibited sexually adventurous couples, singles and groups“. So, in other words… just about everyone. Kasidie is geared towards the swinger community, which means group sex, including orgies, is the name of the game for a good portion of its users.
Kasidie is often compared to SDC, and both sites do a great job of connecting swingers and kinks to their local communities. Kasidie tends to attract a slightly younger crowd than SDC, but it can vary by city or state. Kasidie places a heavy emphasis on community. It’s not just about finding a hookup; it’s about connecting with like-minded people.
That sense of community can be especially important when you’re looking to participate in something as intimate and trust-based as an orgy.
To use the site, simply sign up and create a profile with some pictures and descriptions to tempt other members. Members will drop by and ‘like’ your profile with a flirting response. Or you can start the search yourself: just browse through local listings using your town or city as a search filter.
Just like SDC, Kasidie has an enormous dedicated section for swinger events, parties, and even sexy weekend breaks. If there’s an orgy happening near you, there’s a good chance it’s listed here.
FetLife
FetLife is like the rebellious younger brother of adult hookup sites. It’s dark, it’s kinky, and it’s certainly not for everyone. But if you’re into the fetish scene, this little playground is home to some seriously dirty orgies.
Unlike more mainstream adult dating sites, FetLife is unmistakably kink-friendly. It focuses specifically on the fetish and BDSM community. If your interest in orgies overlaps with a love for kink, FetLife could be a goldmine for you.
The site has 10,862,802 members as of December 2023. I found 16,404 local events listed, including bondage themed play parties, gangbangs, orgies, ‘local munches’, and kinky workshops. It’s even got some decent options for scouting out local glory holes.
FetLife users regularly create groups based on their interests. You can swoop through and find groups dedicated to orgies or group sex. Join the discussion and it won’t be long until a stream of meet-ups and private events are on your radar.
Meetup
https://www.meetup.com/topics/celebrate-sensuality/
Meetup.com, you say?
I know what you’re thinking: “Hey, isn’t that where I find local book clubs and hiking groups?”
Well, yes, but it’s also a surprisingly good place to find sex-positive swinger groups in your local area.
There’s a Meetup group for just about everything, and that includes sex workshops, swinger club nights, and even groups specifically focused on orgies.
My favorite section of the site for orgy-hunting is the Sensuality Meetups category. This is home to 482 private groups, with most based in North America.
Meetup.com is nowhere near as explicit as SDC, AFF or Kasidie, but this helps to widen its appeal to a user base that wouldn’t be found on those sites. It’s certainly worth a look if you are based near a major city.
OK, I’m Tempted: But Is An Orgy A Good Idea?
Well, that’s the million dollar question!
Orgies aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s perfectly fine. I came away from my first session feeling a weird combination of exhilarated and filthy. Like I’d broken down a wall that could never be repaired.
I was not in a relationship at the time. In retrospect, I had very little to lose except the contents of my bollocks and the spare change in my jean pockets. Readers in stable long-term relationships will have much more pause for thought, and rightfully so.
So here’s the key question I’d be asking myself:
Am I The Jealous Type?
If you get jealous easily, I would run a million miles from turning up to an orgy with your significant other.
There’s a substantial overlap between swingers and orgy participants. Often, people bring their significant other to get in on the fun. A couple may already have interest in the ‘hotwife’ lifestyle, and an orgy is a red-hot way to explore this fantasy. Others may simply be interested in a threesome or a foursome.
But an orgy isn’t right for every couple. You’ve got to be sure that you’re okay with your partner engaging in play with others and vice versa. A group sex party is not the best setting to suddenly realise that you or your partner prefer the fantasy to the reality of polygamous sex.
Crucially, it’s important to have a way of backing down if either of you feel uncomfortable at the event. It doesn’t matter how you do this. It could be a safe word, a certain sideways glance, or simply a “Maria, it’s time for us to fuck off home.“
Communication is key!
Why Safety and Trust Is Essential
This is another no-brainer.
Everyone going into the event needs to trust, value, and respect one another. Otherwise, trust me, it’ll turn in to an unmitigated disaster.
Many orgies take place within the circles of close-knit sex-positive communities. As you’ve probably realised by now, these circles are closely guarded and it’s not as simple as turning up at the door if you want to get involved. This is by design.
When it comes to safety, it goes beyond just the physical aspect. There are emotional and psychological safety factors to consider too. A safe space is one where everyone feels free to express their desires, fears, and boundaries without fear of judgment, violation, or harm.
Spontaneous orgies with groups of strangers might feel ‘sexy’ in the moment, but you are much more likely to regret these encounters if they are poorly planned and driven by excess boozing.
The importance of using protection and regularly getting tested for sexually transmitted diseases cannot be overstated. Nothing spoils the party like a neglect for STIs and STDs.
Orgies With Friends
You might not think of your existing friend circle as the most likely way to experience an orgy, but if you read through ‘first time orgy’ experiences, you’ll notice a common theme:
- “I was introduced to the group by my friend…“
- “A friend invited my partner and I to…“
- “My friend and I were drinking and we started talking about…“
You already know and trust your friends, which provides some much needed security when venturing into the unknown world of orgies. We might associate group sex parties with hedonistic strangers, but in reality, most orgy participants know at least 1 or 2 ‘friends’ at the party.
Is it a good idea to have an orgy with friends?
My advice is to choose your friends very wisely in this situation. The mixing of friendship and sexual activities can lead to complex emotional situations. Unresolved feelings, jealousy, or misunderstandings can arise. It’s almost inevitable.
Combining booze with friends who aren’t in to ‘the lifestyle’ is too often a recipe for a regret, which leads us to…
Do People Regret Sex Parties?
Sometimes.
By far the most common source of regret is for couples where one partner is not as fully invested as the other. Feelings of jealousy and guilt are not uncommon. You might not be the ‘jealous type’, and your partner might not be either… but there’s nothing like an orgy to put this theory to the test.
Another negative emotion to deal with is shame. Our monogamous society is not exactly geared towards fucking around with multiple strangers in sex parties. If you know that it’s something you want to explore, this is a good starting point. But if the idea feels tempting because you’re horny and drunk, it may well end up being something you regret.
Spot the recurring theme here? Booze.
Some lifestyles are best explored through careful choice. Not through inhibition-lowering intoxication.
An orgy falls 100% in the ‘careful choice’ category.
Prepping For Your First Orgy
Want to know what to expect from your first time orgy experience?
I can’t recommend this highly enough: do your research.
Read Other First Time Orgy Experiences
Honestly, nothing shines a light on the good, bad and ugly of orgy sex quite like reading other first time experiences. This is the best thing you can do to prepare yourself for the sexual adventure that awaits.
By reading other first time experiences, you will get a feel for the emotional ride. The nerves, the mental roadblocks, the sizzling excitement, the possible regrets. The absolute stench as the night draws to a close. (Seriously, sex shared between large groups of strangers in various state of sweat is not a pleasant aroma.)
I recommend trawling through Reddit and Quora for some fascinating accounts:
- How was your first orgy experience? [Quora]
- What was your orgy experience like? [Reddit]
Community boards on sites like SDC and Kasidie are another great resource.
Familiarise yourself with both the success stories and the epic failures. You’ll quickly get a sense for whether your interest in orgies is best kept as a fantasy, or experienced in real life.
Understand It’s Not All About The Sex
If sex defined the success of an orgy, they’d all be roaring smash hits.
But the reality is, sex is just one facet of the experience. Successful orgies are equally about building connections, fostering an environment of mutual respect, and yes — having fun.
Some people look at the term Sex-Positive Community and think, “Great, it’s been a while since I had sex…“
Bad idea!
You won’t receive any further invitations to private orgies if you turn up, blow your load, then grab your coat.
You’ve got to contribute to the community if you want to be considered a part of it. Does that mean you have to ‘work the room’ and introduce yourself to everybody within 5 minutes of arriving? Obviously, not.
But be mindful of the fact that sex is a secondary factor to a successful orgy. For most participants, it’s all about the social connection and the positivity of the experience.
That wraps up our coverage of the sex party scene. Spotted any vital tips we’ve missed? Or resources that you’ve used to find private sex parties and orgies near you?
Let us know your recommendations.
Thanks for reading, and enjoy the party! 😉
