7 Best Homemade Dildo Substitutes

Need a dildo in a hurry?

Maybe you’ve broken your favorite ‘friend’ and too horny to wait for your replacement or perhaps you just need a new sensation. Whatever the reason, having a backup plan for a homemade dildo just makes good sense.

From making use of suitable objects lying around the home to creative crafting solutions, there are tons of ways to make a substitute dildo.

In this feature we give you some quick and simple ideas for making your own dildo at home. And, for those of you with a bit more time on your hands, we’ve even thrown in some more advanced options too.

Why Make Your Own Dildo?

First of all, we should address the elephant in the room, why would you need a homemade dildo when you could just buy a cheap sex toy?

There are a lot of good reasons why you might need to fashion a makeshift dildo at home.

The most common reason is one of time and necessity.

You might just find yourself in a hurry for a fap and not have one to hand. Perhaps you’re staying in a motel and you forget to pack your trusty friend.

Or maybe you’re just too shy to visit an adult store near you to buy one?

And whilst online sex stores deliver personal items in discrete packages, you might still feel embarrassed purchasing one. Perhaps you have a joint account and don’t want that kind of transaction showing up on your statement.

Cost might also be an issue.

Yes, a basic dildo can be pretty cheap (Lovehoney) sells a starter range from around $15) but even this price tag could be a stretch. In which case you might want to make use of things to try as a dildo around the home that you already have.

homemade dildo substitutes
Beyond the basics, dildos can be pretty costly. Image via Wikimedia.

Lastly, and here’s where we come to some of the benefits of creating your own DIY dildo, you can’t find a store-bought dildo that suits you.

Some of the suggestions we have for a dildo substitute allow you to create your own custom shape, size and texture. This means you have the ultimate control over the sensations you can achieve.

Homemade Dildo Substitutes: Safety First

Before we give you a rundown of some of the best homemade dildo ideas, we should cover some of the essential safety advice.

Much of the same advice applies to homemade pocket pussies!

If you are going to put something inside your vagina or up your ass, then you need to make sure that:

  1. It isn’t going to cause allergies.
  2. It doesn’t have sharp edges.
  3. It isn’t going to break, shatter or splinter inside you.
  4. It isn’t going to get stuck inside you.

Most of this is obvious but we wouldn’t be doing our job if we didn’t point out it out. Apart from avoiding any injuries or outbreaks of rashes you don’t want to end up in the ER room, right?

So, make sure you follow this advice before you penetrate yourself with your makeshift dildo.

Start Small

When you’re feeling horny, it might be tempting to grab the largest object you can to give yourself a proper stuffing but we’d strongly suggest caution in this delicate area.

This is especially apt when you are thinking of putting something up your ass.

It might sound like an obvious piece of advice but it’s best to start small and build your way up.

The consequence of getting this wrong could mean some awkward explanations to a medical professional!

…but Don’t Lose It

On the other hand, you don’t want to go too small either particularly if you are inserting anything into your anus.

For all anal toys, you should always select something with a flared base to prevent it from being ‘sucked’ inside.

As a precaution, choose items which are long enough not to disappear inside you or that have a wider base.

ideas for homemade anal dildo
Anal toys have a flared base for a reason. They can easily get sucked inside. Image via Wikimedia.

Keep It Clean

To prevent any kind of infections or allergies, it is essential that you thoroughly disinfect and clean and item you are going to put inside you.

Even if you use a condom then we’d still recommend sanitizing your homemade dildo first. Condoms can (and do) break on occasion.

Just remember that the only safe materials that should go inside your body without a condom are:

  • Medical-grade silicone
  • ABS plastic
  • Stainless Steel
  • Borosilicate glass

And even if you do use a dildo made from one of these materials, it still needs to be clean.

The vagina, especially, is sensitive to bacteria and the last thing you want is a UTI just because you got too horny in a hurry.

Use a Condom

make your own dildo
Using a condom keeps your substitute dildo clean but also makes it safe. Image via MaxPixel.

In addition to ensuring that your makeshift dildo is clean, we would strongly recommend that you also use a condom on your DIY sex toy.

Not only should this keep you protected from any infections and allergies but it will also help keep any softer items in one piece (see ‘Keep It Firm’, below).

Keep It Firm

Anything that you insert inside you needs to be firm enough to keep its shape during use or else there’s little point in using it right?

Which means selecting something that is hard and strong.

Even if you are using a condom, anything that is too soft can break down and become just one fine mess.

We have suggested using fruit and veg and the banana with its sexy curves and phallic shape is an obvious choice. If you stick a rubber on it, it should be fine but we’d definitely recommend choosing one that isn’t too ripe and keep the skin on.

On its own, this sexy fruit will get hot and squishy mess and leave you with a lot of mashed up fruit left inside you.

Again, there are two sides to this advice and opting for something hard comes with its own warnings.

Sex toys are generally made from materials which have a little pliability and give in them so if you do opt for a solid object, go steady. Both when inserting it and during play, remember that your insides are soft and tender places, they can be injured through rough play.

Test It First

Whilst we all probably know what kinds of materials, lotions and potions cause the skin on our body to itch, flare up or get tender, the sensitivity of the skin on our inside is probably more of a mystery.

The vagina is certainly a delicately balanced little ecosystem of its own and is a place that is extra sensitive to new things.

Again, most sex toys are made from hypo-allergenic materials and are safe to use around your genitals.

If you aren’t using a condom then we strongly recommend that you do a little precautionary testing to make sure the dildo substitute you are using isn’t going to bring you out in hives.

Lube It Up

Any makeshift dildo you choose isn’t designed to be inserted into the body so its definitely worth using some lube to help it complete its new task.

Warm It Up

Another method to help ease the insertion of your new DIY dildo is to warm it up a little.

It very much depends on what you use as to whether this will work or not but placing your new ‘friend’ in some hot water will not only help kill any germs and bacteria but can also make it a more pleasurable experience.

Two pieces of advice though.

Always use hot water and NEVER a microwave.

And make sure it isn’t too hot before inserting inside yourself. Test the temperature first by placing the dildo on your wrist.

Oh, and not a good idea to do this with any food items as this can change how firm they are.

Bad Makeshift Dildo Ideas

Before you start haring round your house grabbing anything phallic and lubing it up, we’d just like to share some advice on items that we think make BAD ideas for a DIY sex toy.

Anything made of glass is a big no-no from us and although glass has become a popular material for plenty of sex toy manufacturers, they use a specialist shatterproof glass that has been tempered for safety.

DO NOT use a beer bottle.

Speaking of which, never insert anything into yourself that has the potential to create a vacuum. This includes any kind of bottle (plastic) that has a single open end at the top. A vacuum can cause some painful damage to your insides and can make it next to impossible to remove safely.

Choose wooden objects with care as these have the potential to splinter and can cause tears to your sensitive skin inside. Not only that but wood isn’t easy to clean before use and can mean your new dildo substitute is harboring nasty germs. Even with a condom, it’s not the best choice of material.

Candles might also seem like a great idea for something to use as a dildo but with all that hot action they can melt and break down inside you.

Whilst we have covered some fruit and veg in our suggestions below, foodstuffs (in general) should be avoided.

Sausages or hotdogs are pretty common go-tos as makeshift dildos but not only is meat riddled with the potential for infection but it is also highly likely to break up during use. Again, even with a condom, very few foodstuffs will keep their shape and remain intact.

Dildo Substitutes Around The Home

Okay, now we’re ready to start exploring some makeshift dildo ideas and we kick off with some sex toy substitutes that you can readily find around the home.

Electric Toothbrush

make your own dildo using toothbrush
Thick or thin? Vibrating? Toothbrushes can make a good stand-in dildo. Image via PxHere.

This first suggestion is a popular one and comes with its own extra function as it vibrates as well as filling your hole.

It’s also something that most people have with them whenever they travel and is fat and long enough to give you some pleasing sensations.

Marker Pens or Sharpies

make your own dildo using sharpie marker pen
Marker pens come in a range of sizes making them a custom fit. Image via Pixabay.

There are dozens of different brands of marker pens and they all come in different lengths and sizes but these stationery items can make very handy makeshift dildos.

Always make sure that the lids are securely snapped in place before using them and best used with a condom.

It’s worth keeping any marker pens that run out of ink purely for this purpose so you have one no hand just for this purpose.

They don’t make an idea anal dildo as they are easily sucked inside as they’re not easy to keep a grip on.

Hairbrush

make your own dildo using hairbrush
The handle of hairbrushes makes a quick and easy DIY substitute. Image via MaxPixel.

Ah, the trusty failsafe of a hairbrush handle.

Again, something that most people (well, women at least) have on hand and is readily accessible on the go. It’s also innocuous enough to explain away if you keep it in your care/purse/travel bag.

Often made from plastic and usually ribbed for easy handling, they come with a natural ‘base’ which makes them pretty safe as an anal dildo.

Some are thicker than others so, next time you need a replacement hairbrush, consider the handle for its potential purpose.

If you do use a handle of a hairbrush then make sure you either clean it well or sheath it up. They can be pretty hardworking accessories and are often coated in natural oils, hair spray etc.

Fruit & Veg

make your own dildo using vegetables and fruit
If you use fruit or veg then choose something firm and use a condom for hygiene. Image via PxHere.

As we’ve already pointed out, most food items don’t make the best DIY dildos as they can break apart, change texture and even introduce nasty bacteria to your sensitive parts.

However, there is no getting around the ‘appeal’ of some naturally phallic fruit and veg which seems purely designed for use as an insertable.

Always use a condom and make sure you choose a ‘specimen’ that is firm and not overly ripe.

All of the following can make interesting sex toy replacements with some offering a few extra ribs and knobs for some toe-curling sensations.

  • Corn on the Cob
  • Banana
  • Cucumber
  • Carrots
  • Zucchini

Your shopping list might look a little more exotic as you explore the fresh produce aisles but we would recommending avoiding hot peppers. Any leakage of capsacin could be EXTREMELY painful in your sensitive areas!

Ice

make your own dildo using ice
Ice can make a great dildo, shaped to suit your tastes and create amazing sensations. Image via Pixabay.

Not for the faint-hearted this last suggestion but if you fancy some seriously kinky, sensory pleasure then why not fill a condom with water and pop it in the freezer?

To get the shape you need, you’ll need to tie the condom up and lie it carefully in something like a popsicle tray.

When the water has frozen solid, run the whole thing under cold water briefly to remove any external ice (you don’t want freezer burn on your sensitive bits!).

Just lube it up, take a deep breath and enjoy the pleasure/pain combo of extreme cold.

The benefit of this suggestion is that there is absolutely no chance of anything getting stuck inside you but you’ll have to be quick, this makeshift dildo will melt quickly.

DIY Dildo Ideas

For some more advanced suggestions and, if you have the time, you could always try your hand at crafting a more permanent DIY dildo.

Clone a Willy Kit

make your own dildo ideas for DIY sex toy
You can use a ‘Clone Your Own Willy’ kit to craft ANY kind of dildo. Image via Lovehoney.

Sold by online sex toy stores like Lovehoney for around $45, these kits let you create your own vibrating dildo.

They’re designed to be used to make a mold of an actual penis but if you like the shape of something ‘unfriendly’ to be used as a substitute sex toy then you could make a body-safe dildo version of it!

The possibilities are endless and limited only by your imagination.

If it can fit in the molding tube then you could turn any household object into a bespoke personal pleasure aid.

The kits come in a huge range of colors including a Glow In The Dark version!

Dildo University

https://sextoycollective.com/dildo-diy

sex toy collective mold your own dildo
The Sex Toy Collective has a great workshop course on molding your own dildos. Image via website.

Based on a similar theme to these kits, the Sex Toy Collective has created its very own tutorial to help DIYers create their own sex toys.

Using some advanced mold making techniques, this tutorial takes about two hours to work through but should give you all the know-how you need to craft the perfect DIY dildo.

What we love about this course is that you can size it up and customize your makes to accommodate all you want in your ultimate sex toy.

Featured image via Flickr (Marco Verch Professional Photographer).


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