Living the BDSM lifestyle but struggling to find dates or hookups?
Looking for the best BDSM dating sites to improve your chances?
The world of internet dating can seem a little vanilla for a kinkster. Most mainstream hookup sites don’t seem to cater for the desires and fetishes of the BDSM community – or do they?
It’s no surprise to find that the BDSM community is well covered in the dating space. There are dozens of BDSM dating sites, but from our experience only a select handful of sites do a good job. You’ll want to use a site that has a large community (so that it’s possible to find a kink near you), and a zero-tolerance attitude towards the bullshitters and scammers. The sites we recommend are ALT.com (for fetish dating), and FetLife (a private BDSM community).
Big name brands Adult Friend Finder and easySex have both branched in to dating sites for the fetish community – but are they worth paying subscription fees for and what are your chances of getting a date?
In this BDSM Hookup guide, we take a look at the best fetish dating sites as well as a few to avoid. Use the list to find fellow kinks in your local town or city. What happens next… is up to you!
Some General Tips for Online BDSM Dating
Before we look at the best sites…
What are the best ways to make a success out of BDSM dating?
First of all, if you are trying to arrange a hook-up with a woman online then your best chance of success is not to go in ‘all guns blazing’.
A lot of the women that we found on these sites were new to the scene or certainly on the lighter side of the fetish, maybe still experimenting.
As a result, it’s a sure fire way to being blocked or ignored to send explicit messages from the get go.
We found it far more effective to make the initial contact softer to encourage conversation. Coming off as approachable rather than a deviant sex pest is far more likely to get a response even if you warm up to what you are really after.
Don’t lie, just try to build up your approach.
As for arranging a hookup, our advice is the same on fetish dating as it is with any online dating. Always meet people somewhere that you know well and that you have worked out your escape plan from. This can be appropriate if you find that the date doesn’t go to plan or is ‘suspicious’.
Lastly, if you get a gut feeling that something isn’t right… trust it.
What Are The Best BDSM Hookup Sites?
Below we summarise our pick of the best BDSM dating and hookup sites.
Of course, you can find plenty of specialist BDSM apps, too.
Check out our list of essential BDSM apps if you want to network from the comfort of your mobile device…
Alt.com
The biggest and best known alternative dating site for members of the fetish, kink and BDSM communities, Alt.com is run by the Adult Friend Finder network.
As the second largest social networking site in the world (behind Facebook) the AFF network is huge and Alt.com is no different. Boasting around 1.1 million active members, the site incorporates all of the same add-ons and features that has made Adult Friend Finder so successful since 1995.
As with any dating site, there is often the suggestion that many of these sites run automated accounts or staff profiles to try and boost interaction with new members. We didn’t detect any of this funny business on Alt.com — just the occasional weirdo to block and avoid.
There is a comprehensive way to search other members including location, age and role type. Paid up members can also narrow the results by body type, race, sexual orientation as well as various physical attributes (breast size, hair color, eye color etc) and many more specifics.
The chances of finding someone in your area who shares your kinks is very high and Alt.com regularly receives top reviews from users who are pleased with the quality of the dates they can achieve via the site.
Free to join, the best chances of success with Alt.com does come via a paid membership as you can contact members more easily and, with gold membership, boost your profile to the top of search results. Monthly subscription fees start at $8.95 up to $29.95.
See our full review of ALT.com.
Bondage
‘Don’t get tied down, get tied up’
We wanted to mention this site as it crops up when you search for BDSM dating sites; however, Bondage.com is run by the same company as Alt.com. The Bondage.com site is just a different branding under the same network.
The only real difference is that members of Bondage.com have specifically stated an interest in bondage. While the ALT.com database is composed of many different kinks living many kinds of alternative lifestyles, the crowd on Bondage.com all love… bondage.
So if that’s your preference, choose Bondage over Alt.
Perversions
Run by the easysex.com network, Perversions is a spin off fetish/kink dating and hook-up site that rates pretty highly with users.
Registration is free with a lifetime membership guaranteed but you are required to enter your credit card details to validate your age. The small print opts you in to a free 24 hour VIP gold membership to the site which auto-renews at a charge of $39.95 each month.
You can opt out of this when you first register but is regarded my many as a sneaky way of charging people to use the service. That said, the additional benefits of the gold membership are worth paying for as upgrading to this level of service will bring you better chances of a kinky hookup.
You also get free cam shows, advanced and unlimited search functionality and more contact options. Using the site without membership is like browsing a library where all the best titles are wrapped in cellophane. Useful to get a feel for what’s out there but not great for getting a real sense of the content.
The site is easy to use and offers a less ‘busy’ desktop than some of the other sites we’ve seen. Intuitive search functionality make finding suitable members easy and contacting other users is also straightforward.
Overall, the site has a lot of bells and whistles that justify the monthly subscription. But don’t get distracted by the extras and forget to use the site for its primary purpose – as an effective way of getting a BDSM date.
FetLife
Ahh, the infamous FetLife.
FetLife is a social networking site for anyone into the fetish or BDSM scene and has tens of thousands of registered members in every US state.
Sort of like Facebook and Instagram, members can explore the scene in their area making connections with other users that have a similar interest. The site has a great coverage of events and there are plenty of local groups in every location to expand your network with.
All kinds of kinks are covered on FetLife and there is bound to be a group to suit your tastes with good opportunities for hooking up with other suitable fetishists.
You can use FetLife to find potential hook ups by searching for your favorite fetish and indicating whether you are curious about it or into it with a soft or hard limit. By selecting whether you want to give, receive, watch or have any role whatsoever, FetLife adds the information to your profile and suggests suitable members for making contact with.
The best way to meet and connect with people is by getting active and involved in local community forums and groups. Find one that serves your fetish or local area and start connecting with other members. Introduce yourself and find out where they meet for munches. Don’t be a wallflower!
See our full FetLife review.
Bondage Dating
This site is definitely for the more experienced fetishists and not for amateurs or experimenters.
Bondage Dating has gotten a bit of a bad name for itself as a lot of the the groups tend not to be inclusive and can leave new members high and dry for hook ups.
However, its all about perseverance with this site and proving yourself to be part of the community. It can put some people off using the site but it shouldn’t as there are some good connections to be made here and, depending on where you live, plenty of potential hook-ups.
You can sign up for free and search other members to start chatting.
Bear in mind though that free members don’t get the same level of response from paid up members as quite often they find that free members are timewasters. Understanding the mindset behind this site is key to getting a good level of response.
Kink Red
This site is still in beta testing and is looking for new members to help beat out the bugs.
As an active way to find new dates and hook-ups, you will get better chances on other sites but getting on board with a new BDSM dating site at the start of its launch is exciting.
Those members that are willing to be guinea pigs have a commonality which creates another bond. The best part is that beta testers get lifetime free membership so it does pay to be a part of this new venture.
Not only that but you get the opportunity to help shape a new BDSM dating site that is designed for people like you. How often do you get that kind of chance? Worth a go for people who have time and who are willing to try something new.
Some BDSM Sites to Avoid
Sadly, there are more bad sites around than there are high quality ones and we would be doing you all a disservice if we didn’t draw your attention to the poor quality ones.
Some of these sites offer plenty of action but in our experience (and using reviews from other users sourced online) we’ve found these sites to either be a complete waste of time, grossly mis-selling the extent of the kink contained in their site or just too scammy.
- BDSM Singles – we found that the claims about member numbers here appears to be vastly overstated with many reviews appearing to support the claims that the company use fake profiles manned by their staff to encourage interaction and membership upgrades.
- CollarMe – this site has far too many fake or poorly put together profiles for our liking and suggests that those who do use it for dating aren’t that fussy about who they meet. By poorly put together, we mean that either little or no effort has been spent on a profile or that they have gone to an extreme effort to appear as ‘weird’ as possible. Not a site we would recommend in a hurry.
